Cornell Reid, staff
Every human being only wants one thing in life: to be cool. The first step to being cool is to be able to easily identify things in your surroundings. For instance, if you’re walking through the forest with your buddies and a skunk scurries by, you would probably blurt out “Holy shit! Was that Joey Ramone?” then all of your friends would be like “Um, no dude, that’s a skunk.” Then they’ll laugh in your face, give you a FAT wedgie and never speak to you again. Talk about embarrassing!
Now the older you get, the easier it becomes to identify different things, for instance I can easily point out an apple or a gun or even spaghetti, those are three items that are easy to tell apart. But I’m not writing this article about spaghetti, every fucking idiot knows what spaghetti is. It’s a pasta that looks like long wobbly toothpicks and it has ketchup on it with white powder, like cocaine or something. So yeah, it’s spaghetti, no duh. However, some things still give me quite a bit of trouble like the aforementioned punks and skunks.
Punks and skunks have a lot of similarities and only differ in the slightest of way, so to help us identify which is which let’s take a look at a few examples and try to pick out their differences.
Pepe Le Pew
Pepe Le Pew is always looking for love which isn’t very punk, because romance is not something punks are usually into. Punks are more into puking into their shoe, then putting a firecracker in it and blowing up the barf shoe. On the other hand, I’ve never seen skunks have sex or even jerk off, and I’ve seen A LOT of animals have sex, so maybe this doesn’t really help us identify him as a skunk either. Hmmmm, this is tough…oh wait, I just remembered that Pepe Le Pew smells bad so that makes it easy: he’s punk.
GG Allin
GG Allin would eat his own shit, which I’m pretty sure is how skunks get such a gross spray going on out of their butts. He’s obviously a skunk.
Buttercup from Bambi
Buttercup is the lamest name of all time. If Buttercup wasn’t punk as fuck then all the other animals would have stomped his ass out for having a name like Buttercup. The only way you can have a name like Buttercup and still survive is to be absolutely insane. Buttercup is punk as fuck.
Cats
Pepe Le Pew identifies cats as skunks all the time and since Pepe is punk, that means he’s cool and good at identifying things so obviously cats are skunks.
Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil eats his own shit, which is how skunks get such a gross spray going on out of their butts so this one is easy. He’s a skunk.
There you go, I hope this helped you see the difference between the two. Next time you’re in the forest with your friends and you see a skunk or punk scurry by quickly think: did it jerk off? did it eat its own shit? did it blow up a barf shoe? If the answer to any of those questions is yes then you have your answer.
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